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Old Man Murray - Continued:

Why do you hate Dennis "Thresh" Fong? The Mushroom's Kevin Weiser named him as his "most admired gaming figure," saying "not only is he a badass at Quake, but he took all his winnings and put it right back into the community with a great site. Now that's dedication!"
Well, maybe it's not Dennis "Thresh" Fong so much as the Kevin Weiser tongue that's crammed so far up his "bad" ass.

Which gaming figure do you most admire?
Chet: Whoever invented the ten page "notes" section in the back of game manuals.
Erik: It's a tie: Whoever thought up the name "Altered Beast" and whoever started Koei software.

What, out of everything you've done, has caused you the most headache (in terms of reaction to it)?
Erik: The series of articles we ran refuting the authenticity of the Holocaust was, in retrospect, a mistake.
Chet: Also, we gave Thief 2 a bad review.
Erik: Oh yeah, that generated the most hate mail of anything we've ever done.

What game are you most ashamed of enjoying?
Erik: Those Koei games, Romance of My Sister 1-4. I played the import versions, and even though I couldn't read the text, I knew what was going on. When the advisor would tell me how to romance my sister, the shame burned me like an acetylene torch. But I couldn't stop playing.
Chet: You mean Romance of the Three Kingdoms? That's about warfare in ancient Japan.
Erik: Well, there's no shame in that. I suppose I don't have any games I'm ashamed about, then.

What game have you spent the most time playing in your lifetime?
Chet: Speedball 2.
Erik: Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

What do you think about the direction the video game industry is heading?
Erik: I'm all for it.
Chet: Me too.

Has there been ever something you wanted to say, or a gag you wanted to do, and you decided "nah, that's just going TOO far"?
Erik: Sometimes we dream up some gag that we think is really, really amazing. We get very excited about it. But then we don't do anything other than think about it.
Chet: Yeah, sometimes the idea involves too much work or, usually, it's not even that much work, but it seems like it would be kind of hard to do, you know? Or one of us would have to get up and maybe we're both really comfortable right then.
Erik: Eventually, it takes too much effort to even think about the idea anymore.
Chet: Is that what you mean?

What do you think about your message boards users?
Erik: I'm all for them.
Chet: Me too.

What do you think about UGO hiring Gary Coleman as their "spokesman"?
Erik: Again, all for it.
Chet: Same here.

Boxers or briefs?
Erik: I usually wear a wetsuit under my clothes in case I'm invited to go jet skiing.

Since you're usually wearing a wetsuit, aren't you exceedingly hot?
Erik: Okay, Matlock, I was lying about that.

Can I git a "what what?"
Erik: If that's British slang for kissing, then no.
Chet: I'm gonna have to say no too.

Who are you most obsessed about and why?
Erik: Here's the newest headline from The Mushroom: "Judge Orders Microsoft a Banana Split."
Chet: We're obsessed with never, ever letting something like that make the entire journey from inside our heads to onto your monitor.

Have you ever been threatened with legal action and/or physical harm?
Chet: Yup.
Erik: You betcha.



3. The Crate Feature
After one-too-many first-person shooter, Erik summons his friend Kevin to conduct a mass review of all action titles that include the stalwart item of the genre - the crate. The higher the "start to crate" time, the better the game. We think. After noting Blood 2's "STC" time of three seconds, a game shortcoming becomes apparent: Kevin: "You'll see games with forklifts and crates, but you won't see one goddamn pallet. You know what a pallet is right? Yeah, you worked at the warehouse, you know. But all these whiny bitches who go to college on their parents' money and then design games have never been inside a real f
--king warehouse and have no f--king clue that in order to move a f--king crate, you need to have a goddamn pallet. Hey Monolith, how'd that f--king box get in there?



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